Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Antonyms of a Mirage

Hi all,

You know how when something good happens, you never tire of letting people know that you are a member of that family where that achievement occurred.? That was how I felt when I heard that  Atilola's book which we have been patiently waiting for and which she promised would be out in a jiffy, was finally out. No doubt the book will make a good read. Check out this excerpt below:

A preview from ‘In My Pocket’

‘Goshe – A short form of Shokolokobangoshe
Scenario 2
Mummy Bobo: Olowo ori mi (owner of my head), how was that favourite food of yours that I made for you? I am sure you enjoyed it. I have come to tell you about Bobo, your son. He is about to write his SSCE exams. The other day, I heard my senior wife bragging to her cousin that kola, her son, made all his papers two years ago because he is hardworking and brilliant. She then said she is sure Bobo will do the opposite and fail woefully. Olowo ori mi, please, don't let my enemies laugh at me. I know you can help me get the exam questions on the eve of every exam paper. This is the only way Bobo will be able to prove her wrong and shut her mouth forever. Daddy Bobo, you always say you love me more than my senior wife and if you really mean that, you will not let her have the last laugh over me.

Chief Goshe: Woman! Woman!! Woman!!! I have always warned you about this Bobo of a boy, but you will never listen to me. You spoil him too much, I hope he won't be the source of your downfall in future. Anyway, I will give you what you request, after which he will go to the UK to start his foundation course. You better warn your son to buckle up now, because there is no way I will fly over to meet David Cameron to organize exam papers by the time he gets to the UK. A word is enough for the wise. For now, the exam questions are not a problem. I have the education sector IN MY POCKET!
Scenario 3
Oloyinbo: (Getting up from his two minutes prostration, which Chief Goshe acknowledged by massaging his head with the sole of his left foot, he then starts hailing loudly) Baba Goshe, Baba mi, you will live long, your enemies will not see their children. Anyone that says it will not be well with you, it won't be well with them too.
Baba mi, the time has come. I need your help seriously. It’s time for the councillor election for the local constituencies. As I told you last year, I intend to contest and since I have adopted you as my political father, who else will I run to but you? Baba Goshe, don't worry about my credentials. The minimum requirement is the SSCE result and I have already sorted that out with some boys and now have my results. All I need now is your backing and support. Baba mi, I am in your hand now o.

Chief Goshe: Oloyinbo, my nephew, see your mango head like that of my father. You want to run for councillor, hmm? I thought you were joking when you mentioned it last year. I hope you know the implications of what you are doing? The politics of our time is not for the lily-livered at all. You have to be on your toes at all times. Be ready to make friends and enemies, be ready to do anything to protect your political career and even your life from political detractors. It’s a dog eat dog world and make sure you are ready for all the consequences. You should have just accepted the business I offered to set up for you, but you youths of nowadays have been bitten by the get-rich-quick bug. Since you insist, I will help you. I will take you to a meeting tomorrow, where you will meet some powerful people. But know this one thing, you must not, in turn, bite the fingers of these powerful people, including mine, when you win. You will have to dance to their tunes. Otherwise, the ground will have no choice but to reject you.
After tomorrow, your victory is a done deal. Even if you don't contest, you have won! It’s a done deal, I have the electoral system IN MY POCKET!

Scenario 4
Sisi Peperempe: (After a steamy sex session) Honey boy, cookie crumble, sweetie, darling, sugar! I need your assistance o. You remember my youngest brother, Dodoyo, he's in Anti-graft commission’s custody. He was arrested last week
(Kissing his fat filled pot belly). They said he posed as a minister and defrauded some companies. You know the story of my family and how Dodoyo and I had to see ourselves through life by all means possible. He's the only family I have. We have gone through so much and he doesn't deserve jail time or to lose all he has worked for. (Pouting her lips, with permanent red lipstick on) Baby boo, you must help Dodoyo or else ehn...

Chief Goshe: Sisi Peperempe! C'mon, rest your little head. Why are you worrying yourself over nothing? I am disappointed in the way you keep worrying and emphasizing on this issue. After the three years of us playing this 'love game', you still worry about these little things. Before you start your rants again, don't worry I forgive you. I guarantee you that it is settled. Give me a maximum of two days, Dodoyo will get out of custody and all his frozen assets will be returned. Plus the anti-graft commission, plus the person that created the anti-graft commission, I have them all IN MY POCKET!

Scenario 5
Mr. Sinwonje: (Smacking his stomach during a meal of Suya and bottles of Lager beer at a popular elite club in Abuja) Chief Goshe, what are you going to do about this latest development now? I think Mr. President is serious about this power thing this time around o. If those Japanese people dare sign that contract of the electricity overhaul in this country, that line of business is over for me o, and you know that means you will also lose your regular cut. Hmm, Goshe, this is not good news at all. That is my major income-generating business and I use it to keep body and soul, Princess and Priscilla together. Imagine that this whole country, Nigeria, will not need generators or diesels to make their life easier. This is serious disaster. I will do anything to make it fail….

I cant wait to read the book myself. I just got it but decided to put up this post before I get too carried away and Gmama Procastination sets in. The book is available now on amazon both the kindle and paperback  and I daresay it is affordable. To purchase on amazon  : <iframe src="" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"></iframe>

* Read in Nollywood advert voice* GO GRAB YOUR COPY NOW!!!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Hi all,

Can you believe it that is Mid-April already? It seemed like it was just last week that we were sending good wishes for the New Year and now it is April. Time sure is flying. Hope y'all are doing good. I am doing fine too and very thankful to God for the journey so far.

Just the other day someone sent me a broadcast message about warning girl children. I would have put up the message here but I cant lay my hands on it right now. I am sure some of you would have received it too as I got a couple of it that week. A summary of the message was about warning girl children not to allow any body to carry them including uncles, not to allow anyone refer to them as 'my wife', asking about the kind of activities they did when they go on play-date etc. It was quite a list. I agreed with some of the things mentioned and disagreed with some but generally it was like a warning bell to take charge and be a part of our daughter's growing up process. Especially to shield them from abuse.

You know how after reading something that hits home, you start getting paranoid when seemingly innocent things happen? That happened to me. We have this friend who comes around to the house sometimes. My kids love to play with him and he is so good with kids he gives them so many laughs. I never read anything to it before. The day after getting this long list of warning, this guy came around for a very short visit. After throwing the kids up, tickling them etc he was on his out. In a bid to shake my 3 year old daughter goodbye, he tickled her palm. She laughed and said "that tickles". Immediately i heard that, my antennae was on alert. I didn't know what he did, so I asked her what tickled. She said "uncle tickled my palm". Ehn, my eyes turned pink. You see where I come from when a man tickles a woman on the palm, it means he is interested in the woman sexually. I wouldn't have read any meaning into it cos the man in question is a young friend, isn't even Nigerian and I am not sure  that gesture is universal. In my panic, I told my daughter it wasn't nice that uncle tickled her palm, the next time he does it she should tell him not to tickle her palm cos mommy said so and then tell me.

My husband felt I was a bit paranoid, but I am thinking it is better to be paranoid than sorry. Most sexual child abuse is performed by someone known to the child and the child just suffers in silence. Growing up, someone very close to me was abused at 5 years old by someone trusted by her family. The girl just withdrew to herself. Only God knows how that has affected her life now.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.and Child Abuse Prevention Month. Many people are assaulted sexually;men, women, teens and even young children. The time when we say it is a taboo to talk about such things is long gone. It is time to show awareness and talk about it. Let people know that it is wrong and victims to know that they are not alone. In our own way we should help in trying to bring an end to this trend.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Good to be back

Hi people,

It sure has been a while I came around these parts. With crashed computer system, moving house and waiting to get connected back to the internet, it feels good to be back. Guess I missed some interesting stories while I was away but nothing spoil.

Happy Easter to you all. May the joy of the risen Christ always remain with us.